And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
