i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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