I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
