I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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