this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
