I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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