I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
