The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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