wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
