She just used a chaser for red wine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
