You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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