He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
