are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you never un-have a 4some
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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