Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
