well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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