I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
