They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
