You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
