I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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