Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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