You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
