Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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