my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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