Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
