I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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