Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
