you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
