I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize