I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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