she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
