1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
