You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
