Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
