Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
