farters have to be the big spoon...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize