so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
