Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
God, I missed his penis.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
