His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I need to align my fucking chakras
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
