I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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