I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
