I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
