No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
