you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
