I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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