Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
