i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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