Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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