it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
