i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
