It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
