My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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