apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
