I skipped work to stalk him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
