You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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