Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
