Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize