dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
