I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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