It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
