I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
