i just had sex bonerless
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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