On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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