She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
