community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
