I accidentally burped into my bong.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
