I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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