In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
