She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
