pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
