how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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