Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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