she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
