I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
