Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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