"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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