Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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