ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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