i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
