So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
