my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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