It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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