I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
