hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
