Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
