The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
