Your mouth is God's brothel.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize