Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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