Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
