If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
