I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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