explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize