i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
